How T-Camp Helped Me Discover My Value

"I am giving myself to me" - Kaleef Lauren


As one of the few trans women of color along side Lexi, Bea, Miss 21, Bamby Salcedo, and Dan to attend the third round of T-Camp 2014, I am proud to say that I went! 

T-Camp is a retreat designed to help gender queer, transgender, and gender questioning college students find solidarity by discussing various aspects of our identities such as race, class, sexuality, society, and life. Through this trip learned to how live. By living, I learned how to be open and just live in myself, not caring about anyone who opposes it. 

I learned that, despite all of the difficult discussions on how we can live our lives...our lives do mean something. Especially trans people of color.

I constantly remained open to learning from other people who are similar to me. It felt good to be around people who also did not fit in and were sort of the outcasts of society. A weight was lifted off of me as soon as we got off the bus and went to our cabins. Unfortunately, I had a really bad bug bite accident that caused me to go to urgent care and miss some important sessions during the retreat. None of the less, I persevered and continued to milk all of the discussions I could attend with my eye swollen shut and 15 bite marks all over my body. 

This trip gave me the strength to be myself, living full time as the woman I have always been. I have been committed to the new me since December 18th, 2013. It is freeing, a rush in my gut, a fire has awakened that I've always known was there. The rush of living my life for me, it's exciting despite the difficulties.

I also learned that I cannot rely on anyone to validate my womanhood but me. I'm the woman who is in the four walls with herself at night. I'm the power, the wonder woman I've always envisioned myself to be as a child. Bamby Salcedo, the largest transgender advocate in Los Angeles, gave me some great advice. She told me to stay focused and view myself as a warrior, because I was chosen to do this. To have someone of her stature give me a "nod" sent chills down my spine but I was excited! She also did an exercise with the trans feminine group called the power stand. She urged all of us to stand up and place our hands on our hips, hold our heads up, and bask in our strength. I've never felt so empowered as a trans women in my life. I actually felt my strength and realized the power I hold. 



I also did my best to discuss how my identity as an African American, working class, trans women affects my life in various ways to other students who were not people of color and privileged. There are certain things I deal with due to my identity because the world  that we live in is not that friendly towards people like me.The point was to learn form others and also educate others. What matters is that I am here, we are here, and we are LIVING. We hold so much value and are necessary. We matter to the world but we must remain strong and live for us regardless of how anyone feels. I've learned to be very unapologetic, because life is way to short to live it for someone else. So, I'd rather take this risk and pray that I stay strong against the adversity that is ahead of me. 


The change has arrived, the work is being done. I feel damn good for embracing me, no longer denying the woman that I've been for the past 20 years of my life. Thank you so much T-camp, the staff and faculty who created it, the new friends I've met, and the students who wrote me affirmation cards (I didn't get to write much of any cards due to me being sick and so forth but I send you ALLL LOVE!). It means a lot to me to exist, to live right now. 


Xoxo - Kaleef Lauren

Pull Up to the Bumper Baby: Eye Contact

"Now in the parking lot garage,
You'll find the proper place,
Just follow all the written rules,
You'll fit into the space." Grace Jones/Nightclubbing/Pull up to the Bumper - 1981

Hola Chicas! So we are gonna sit down and discuss the tea of eye contact while flirting. If you didn't know now you know! Someone told me "I'm not gonna talk or flirt with you if your not looking at me." So of course peeps, you need to LOOK at whoever is talking a good game to you.

You could be looking into the eyes of your future husband and baby's father or future wife/baby's mother! Do you want to miss out on that? *cues crickets* - I didn't think so.


Eye contact is essential to flirting because the eyes say alot about a person. It allows you to read or to be read, if you know what I mean. You can gain a better sense of someone's energy towards you if you study there eyes. You can see if they want your time or not, its completely silent acknowledgement. Non-Verbal communication ignites the real communication.

It can get tricky if someone who is attractive that you have been staring at looks at you one time, simply because they caught you staring.
Lets say you walk into a room, a social gathering per say and you see a dime piece (male or female) giving you that eye! It happens all the time! You give them that eye back, thats you silently saying "kick your game." Unfortunately, some people (like myself) look else where or at the ground and are completely oblivious to the no verbal communication people of interest send us. 

So we have to use our eyes and learn how to read them if we want to master this world of flirting. There are some people who just naturally do it all the time. They walk into a room and just oozzeeee flirtation! And then some of us, like me yes I admit, are completely whack at it! So

My friend once told me - " you are going to miss out on your Hubbie because you never look at people!!!" And I don't want that!

So there you go sugar plums! Eye contact is one of the MAIN pieces of flirtation! So use it!!! 

How to Be Forward Thinking and Positive :)

Hello World!

I've been gone for a minute but I'm back with the "JUMPOFF!" - (Lil' Kim voice!)

How are you lovely people doing? If you've been reading my blog, THANK YOU! I don't care who reads it, I just want to get my thoughts out! To help myself and also help others. :)


Today and the last few days I have been doing a great job with remaining calm. I often over think things, they say thats the Aquarius in me. But regardless of your zodiac sign there are many people who just WORRY FOR NO REASON!

These days the world moves so fast and when you are grinding, you just want things to work smoothly to your advantage. But sometimes the world simply does not work that way. You will have days, months, and even years in which you feel like times are just hard. You feel like nothing is working in your favor and as if your time just isn't here yet.


But I've come to realize that I cannot see the future. All I have with me is my gut, my sixth sense, the spirit, that INTUITION that guides me and all of my decisions. You also have the same thing. Everyone has it but some of us don't know how to tap into it.

A few months ago a wise woman taught me to simply shut everything, every person, and situation off to listen to my thoughts. It's tough because my mind is constantly running rampant. " I gotta do this, I gotta pay this bill, I have to meet this person, I have to eat this, I have to turn in this assignment, I have to be at work at this time, I have to sleep at this time, I gotta wash and blah blah blah!" LOL! And that is perfectly normal. But she told me the reason why we feel like we can't think is because we always have loud music bumping in our ears (I'm a music lover) or are always around too many people in public/private settings. Sometimes you have to get some alone time in to truly listen to your inner voice.

We have to learn to simply calm our nerves and be forward thinking. By that I mean constantly stay in the present while looking ahead. SO focus on what you have to accomplish NOW so you can GET TO THE NEXT STEP. A good friend of mines taught me to simply "RESPECT THE PROCESS".


You cannot have what you want now, nothing happens overnight, and if it does it most likely will FALL at some point because there was no process behind it. It's like cooking a meal, every dish takes some amount of time to prepare. Don't you want your food served up correctly? If so, then get in the kitchen, grab the NECESSARY INGREDIENTS, your cooking utensils, and prepare your dish. Apply that metaphor to whatever situation you are dealing with in your life.

I'm still learning myself!

So be FORWARD THINKING AND POSITIVE! It will all work out! :)


Share your thoughts! xoxoxoxoxoxo.

Love & College Part 1

"What to do to make some sense of this? What to do to make the feelings fit?" - (Tina Turner, Two People - Private Dancer 1984)

Shout out to love & Basketball! All though that has little to do with this post. 

Are you a current college student and your having all of these gnawing thoughts about love? If so, we are in the same boat. Hear my rant! 

I didn't realize how lucky people are to have a significant other that they are actually are in love with until I came to college. The world can be such a harsh and cold place, but its our relationships with our loved ones (Friends, Family, and BooThangs) that make Mother Earth much more bearable. 

Personally, I've never been in love before and have always wondered how it feels. I often live vicariously through my friends and family members experiences, hoping that someday I find a guy that will treat me RIGHT!!! *Twirls*! I'm talkin....my skin glowing because he loves me, getting a big Kool-Aid smile every time a thought of him enters my love eatened Brain! Eyes glistening when he walks through the door! Like "Baby what's up?!" Yassss! Lol! 

(That does not mean I love their significant others! Lets make that clear! That means that I learn from their experience, I question them about their feelings and emotions.)

You know how a significant other, boy or gal, can make you feel fabulous, like a million dollars. Like you just blew some stacks on a few bottles at the club lol! Just JK! 

Many wonder why I'm single and I honestly don't know. I have goals, I'm in college, and I want the white pickett dream. Some say I'm picky, but I disagree. I have standards. I feel like these days many people don't. 

(white Pickett dream - Big house, husband, maybe children, beautiful yard, plants, white pickett fence that surrounds our home.....basically the cheesy American Dream. Solange made a song about it, go listen!) 

I've tried to be open to it coming. Many say that love just happens, you can't force it, you just have to wait (shout out to the Supremes - Diana Ross You Can't Hurry Love). 

So that's where I am with it. I always wonder, "dang Im in my 20's and haven't had a relationship yet. Am I behind? Did I miss something?" I'm telling y'all! 

So with that being said, Love & College are two things that are heavy in ones life. I honestly don't see how people can have relationships that LAST and not get distracted in school. Or not want to e single! 

I'm still defining what LOVE means to me. Still doing some SELF WORK to be ready for my partner. Sometimes I feel bad for wanting a committed a relationship in college because NO ONE is focused on that lol! AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT! Everyone's single and usually focused on smashing and passing. Which is ok for some. 

Then you have some people who do really want to be with someone and somehow figure out how to make that happen while attending college. 

So there you have it! What are your thoughts on Love & College? Share share share! :) 

I will be posting more thoughts on this topic, so expect a part 2!