How T-Camp Helped Me Discover My Value

"I am giving myself to me" - Kaleef Lauren


As one of the few trans women of color along side Lexi, Bea, Miss 21, Bamby Salcedo, and Dan to attend the third round of T-Camp 2014, I am proud to say that I went! 

T-Camp is a retreat designed to help gender queer, transgender, and gender questioning college students find solidarity by discussing various aspects of our identities such as race, class, sexuality, society, and life. Through this trip learned to how live. By living, I learned how to be open and just live in myself, not caring about anyone who opposes it. 

I learned that, despite all of the difficult discussions on how we can live our lives...our lives do mean something. Especially trans people of color.

I constantly remained open to learning from other people who are similar to me. It felt good to be around people who also did not fit in and were sort of the outcasts of society. A weight was lifted off of me as soon as we got off the bus and went to our cabins. Unfortunately, I had a really bad bug bite accident that caused me to go to urgent care and miss some important sessions during the retreat. None of the less, I persevered and continued to milk all of the discussions I could attend with my eye swollen shut and 15 bite marks all over my body. 

This trip gave me the strength to be myself, living full time as the woman I have always been. I have been committed to the new me since December 18th, 2013. It is freeing, a rush in my gut, a fire has awakened that I've always known was there. The rush of living my life for me, it's exciting despite the difficulties.

I also learned that I cannot rely on anyone to validate my womanhood but me. I'm the woman who is in the four walls with herself at night. I'm the power, the wonder woman I've always envisioned myself to be as a child. Bamby Salcedo, the largest transgender advocate in Los Angeles, gave me some great advice. She told me to stay focused and view myself as a warrior, because I was chosen to do this. To have someone of her stature give me a "nod" sent chills down my spine but I was excited! She also did an exercise with the trans feminine group called the power stand. She urged all of us to stand up and place our hands on our hips, hold our heads up, and bask in our strength. I've never felt so empowered as a trans women in my life. I actually felt my strength and realized the power I hold. 



I also did my best to discuss how my identity as an African American, working class, trans women affects my life in various ways to other students who were not people of color and privileged. There are certain things I deal with due to my identity because the world  that we live in is not that friendly towards people like me.The point was to learn form others and also educate others. What matters is that I am here, we are here, and we are LIVING. We hold so much value and are necessary. We matter to the world but we must remain strong and live for us regardless of how anyone feels. I've learned to be very unapologetic, because life is way to short to live it for someone else. So, I'd rather take this risk and pray that I stay strong against the adversity that is ahead of me. 


The change has arrived, the work is being done. I feel damn good for embracing me, no longer denying the woman that I've been for the past 20 years of my life. Thank you so much T-camp, the staff and faculty who created it, the new friends I've met, and the students who wrote me affirmation cards (I didn't get to write much of any cards due to me being sick and so forth but I send you ALLL LOVE!). It means a lot to me to exist, to live right now. 


Xoxo - Kaleef Lauren

Gabrielle Union - "Being Mary Jane" is a Score!

Hello World! Well I know I'm a little tardy for the party, shout out to Kim Zolciak, but I just watched Gabrielle in Being Mary Jane! I love the show, the concept, and the fact that Gabrielle is the LEAD! So excited for her in particular because I've been waiting for her to get her shine.

The show is about a young lady by the name of Mary Jane who is an entertainment talk show host and has it all, the looks, education, money, success, and beauty. Despite all of her many accomplishments, her private life is in shambles. Her mother is ill, her niece is pregnant (AGAIN), she argues with other family members who constantly give her a hard time about financial needs, and her love life is a complete mess.  Created by Mara Brock Akil, the new original BET series has received raving reviews!

BET is branching out and trying new things being that this is the network's first series and the first season will contain 8 episodes. So what did you all think? I loved it. The fact that Gabrielle is playing is a single black woman who experiences what most single black woman experience. What I do admire is that this story is not just the same old SOB STORY! Mary Jane wants a man but the ones she is dealing with cannot get their lives together. She also really wants a child, and that particular scene touched me (she was baking a cake for her niece's baby shower and looked at a tv show, seeing babies with their mothers and began to cry because her biological clock is ticking).  That is what most black woman deal with. 42% of black woman have never been married and it's predominantly the successful Black woman who have no partners.


I love that this show cleverly provides that twist, opening up with simple statements such as "This is the story of a Black woman, but not every Black woman". This is a topic that is easy to disgust but difficult to solve because Black woman are constantly asking Where are the Black men who are DOING something positive and want a monogamous relationship, want to build a foundation at? It's a question that everyone wants to know the answer to and I feel like this show will have us on our couches looking for answers. But the twist that this show offers is that Mary Jane sleeps with one of her booty calls, saves the condom they used, and steals the sperm (freezing it for future use). Now that scene HAD ME AND MY LACEFRONT IN SHOCK! I was clutching my pearls lol! But seriously that scene was crazy because I immediately was fascinated with the length that she went to create the possibility of giving birth. I'm really feeling how we get to see a softer side of Gabrielle Union. She cries in scenes, talks to herself, confides in friends, and shows how Mary Jane is a human. I really like how refreshing this role is for her.


Also, I love how Mary Jane wanted to do a story on how Black woman are constantly told they are ugly and struggled with her Latina co-worker/friend to help her advocate for the story. There was a scene in which they were at work and debated over if Mary Jane should pursue the story or not. Her co-worker/friend told her how both of them were women of color and how Mary Jane would be labeled as the stereotypical angry Black woman if she kept pushing a story that was given the BIG NO a week ago. She also mentioned how as women of color they had to be careful with what they do so they won't be perceived a certain way.  This will definitely cause discussion.

There is also a gay Black man in the show which adds another twist. He is close friends with Mary Jane. He is not the stereotypical gay Black man because at first glance his sexual preference is ambiguous. I assumed that he was one of her lovers but once I studied how they talked to each other, and his lover came to the forefront, I was like YASSSSS!!! LOL!


There is so much to discuss about this show! I feel like this will be a good run! Gabrielle is doing her thing! I'm proud because Kerry Washington opened the door with Scandal, Meagan Good followed with her tv-series Deception, and now Gabrielle has arrived with Being Mary Jane! It exciting to see Black actresses appear on the scene again. After watching Oprah's Next Chapter: African American Women in Hollywood and hearing Phylicia Rashad, Viola Davis, Gabrielle Union, Oprah, and Alfre Woodard discuss their experiences with Hollywood; it gave me more joy to see Gabrielle develop her craft. All five women touched on light skin vs. dark skin, lack of acting roles, jealousy, support, success, and Gabrielle's honesty about her 'mean past' in a healthy fashion. It was a fantastic show.

It looks like we will have to wait until next year for more episodes of Being Mary Jane. I will definitely be tuned in, will you?


Share your thoughts and comments! What did you think of the show? Will it last? Are you excited to see Gabrielle in a new light? Why is it difficult for successful Black woman to find a Black man? Is Mary Jane pursuing perfection?


Hugs, kisses, and wishes!!!

Beyonce - "Standing on the Sun" Review

(World Renown Music Starlet) Beyonce's new promo single "Standing on the Sun" is a welcoming, fresh, sunny delight to the summer ahead of us. The song was created for her magnificent H&M campaign in which the commercial was released as a mini music video back in May! Recently, Beyonce debuted the summer hit in a performance on her Ms. Carter World Tour and the BeyHive went bananas! 

My take on it-

This song is pop royalty! I feel like this is a new and fresh sound for Beyonce, which is what I've been dying for. It is a much needed turn around from the heavy horns and drum use. The record was written by Sia, who also penned Rihanna's hit single "Diamonds" from Unapologetic. 

I've noticed that Sia's lyrics are very honest, romantic, earthy, and just everything! At first I felt like the song was meant for Rihanna but Beyonce made it hers! It fits her and I hope she allows it to be a single for her fifth album. Standing on the Sun just does something to you once it comes on. It's a sensual, laid back, and hypnotizing. 

So take a listen. Do you think "Standing on the Sun" should be Beyonce's new single? Will her fifth album be world shattering? TeamBeyonce are currently still deciding on what the official single, direction, and drive of her fifth album will be. I beleive team Beyonce jand Beyonce her self just wants to deliver this product as it is her debut album. She is taking her time, focusing on delivering the right meal to her fans! We can't wait Beyonce! 


Give me those thoughts of yours!! Please share! 

I'm A Grown Woman!

I CAN DO WHATEVA I WANT!!!

Beyonce, one of the worlds biggest stars today, has released a song called "Grown Woman" (full version leaked yesterday!) The song was played in her recent Pepsi commercial back in April. An upbeat, colorful, authentic, tribal, sassy, hair flinging, ol' mama shakin tune; Grown Woman is refreshing. I will admit that I didn't expect it to be her first single from her highly anticipated  5th solo album. 

It's an uplifting record and what I believe is a response to all of the critics who judged Beyonce for her "Bow Down/ I Been On" promo track. While its a response, it's also a message. A message of strength to all women world wide. That's what I love about Beyonce, she constantly pushes for women to shine. 

Beyonce is at a point in her career where she can LITERALLY do whatever she wants. But is this single the correct way to open up the 5th project? I think so, it's a risk! And I want Beyonce to risk more, do unexpected things. 

So go and check out "Grown Woman" and get into it! Throw your life up as that beat enters your body, making you feel like your at an exotic celebration! Yas! "I'm a Grown Woman, I Can do whatever I want!" 

Share your thoughts!