How T-Camp Helped Me Discover My Value

"I am giving myself to me" - Kaleef Lauren


As one of the few trans women of color along side Lexi, Bea, Miss 21, Bamby Salcedo, and Dan to attend the third round of T-Camp 2014, I am proud to say that I went! 

T-Camp is a retreat designed to help gender queer, transgender, and gender questioning college students find solidarity by discussing various aspects of our identities such as race, class, sexuality, society, and life. Through this trip learned to how live. By living, I learned how to be open and just live in myself, not caring about anyone who opposes it. 

I learned that, despite all of the difficult discussions on how we can live our lives...our lives do mean something. Especially trans people of color.

I constantly remained open to learning from other people who are similar to me. It felt good to be around people who also did not fit in and were sort of the outcasts of society. A weight was lifted off of me as soon as we got off the bus and went to our cabins. Unfortunately, I had a really bad bug bite accident that caused me to go to urgent care and miss some important sessions during the retreat. None of the less, I persevered and continued to milk all of the discussions I could attend with my eye swollen shut and 15 bite marks all over my body. 

This trip gave me the strength to be myself, living full time as the woman I have always been. I have been committed to the new me since December 18th, 2013. It is freeing, a rush in my gut, a fire has awakened that I've always known was there. The rush of living my life for me, it's exciting despite the difficulties.

I also learned that I cannot rely on anyone to validate my womanhood but me. I'm the woman who is in the four walls with herself at night. I'm the power, the wonder woman I've always envisioned myself to be as a child. Bamby Salcedo, the largest transgender advocate in Los Angeles, gave me some great advice. She told me to stay focused and view myself as a warrior, because I was chosen to do this. To have someone of her stature give me a "nod" sent chills down my spine but I was excited! She also did an exercise with the trans feminine group called the power stand. She urged all of us to stand up and place our hands on our hips, hold our heads up, and bask in our strength. I've never felt so empowered as a trans women in my life. I actually felt my strength and realized the power I hold. 



I also did my best to discuss how my identity as an African American, working class, trans women affects my life in various ways to other students who were not people of color and privileged. There are certain things I deal with due to my identity because the world  that we live in is not that friendly towards people like me.The point was to learn form others and also educate others. What matters is that I am here, we are here, and we are LIVING. We hold so much value and are necessary. We matter to the world but we must remain strong and live for us regardless of how anyone feels. I've learned to be very unapologetic, because life is way to short to live it for someone else. So, I'd rather take this risk and pray that I stay strong against the adversity that is ahead of me. 


The change has arrived, the work is being done. I feel damn good for embracing me, no longer denying the woman that I've been for the past 20 years of my life. Thank you so much T-camp, the staff and faculty who created it, the new friends I've met, and the students who wrote me affirmation cards (I didn't get to write much of any cards due to me being sick and so forth but I send you ALLL LOVE!). It means a lot to me to exist, to live right now. 


Xoxo - Kaleef Lauren