"Back in the Day, You Cost 300 Dollars, But Now Your Giving It To Him For Free" - Tamera Mowry

Please watch this video in which actor Tamera Mowry discusses her struggles with receiving criticism due to her interracial marriage. This video moved me, because I've experienced a lot of hate, and will experience more. It disgusts me, racism, some of the shit haters say is atrocious. But Tamera knows that her love is real. I wish we all could realize that half of the things that divide us really don't matter. DO YOU! If you are gay, transgender, Black, White, Chicano, Asian, Purple, pink.....just live your life.

How T-Camp Helped Me Discover My Value

"I am giving myself to me" - Kaleef Lauren


As one of the few trans women of color along side Lexi, Bea, Miss 21, Bamby Salcedo, and Dan to attend the third round of T-Camp 2014, I am proud to say that I went! 

T-Camp is a retreat designed to help gender queer, transgender, and gender questioning college students find solidarity by discussing various aspects of our identities such as race, class, sexuality, society, and life. Through this trip learned to how live. By living, I learned how to be open and just live in myself, not caring about anyone who opposes it. 

I learned that, despite all of the difficult discussions on how we can live our lives...our lives do mean something. Especially trans people of color.

I constantly remained open to learning from other people who are similar to me. It felt good to be around people who also did not fit in and were sort of the outcasts of society. A weight was lifted off of me as soon as we got off the bus and went to our cabins. Unfortunately, I had a really bad bug bite accident that caused me to go to urgent care and miss some important sessions during the retreat. None of the less, I persevered and continued to milk all of the discussions I could attend with my eye swollen shut and 15 bite marks all over my body. 

This trip gave me the strength to be myself, living full time as the woman I have always been. I have been committed to the new me since December 18th, 2013. It is freeing, a rush in my gut, a fire has awakened that I've always known was there. The rush of living my life for me, it's exciting despite the difficulties.

I also learned that I cannot rely on anyone to validate my womanhood but me. I'm the woman who is in the four walls with herself at night. I'm the power, the wonder woman I've always envisioned myself to be as a child. Bamby Salcedo, the largest transgender advocate in Los Angeles, gave me some great advice. She told me to stay focused and view myself as a warrior, because I was chosen to do this. To have someone of her stature give me a "nod" sent chills down my spine but I was excited! She also did an exercise with the trans feminine group called the power stand. She urged all of us to stand up and place our hands on our hips, hold our heads up, and bask in our strength. I've never felt so empowered as a trans women in my life. I actually felt my strength and realized the power I hold. 



I also did my best to discuss how my identity as an African American, working class, trans women affects my life in various ways to other students who were not people of color and privileged. There are certain things I deal with due to my identity because the world  that we live in is not that friendly towards people like me.The point was to learn form others and also educate others. What matters is that I am here, we are here, and we are LIVING. We hold so much value and are necessary. We matter to the world but we must remain strong and live for us regardless of how anyone feels. I've learned to be very unapologetic, because life is way to short to live it for someone else. So, I'd rather take this risk and pray that I stay strong against the adversity that is ahead of me. 


The change has arrived, the work is being done. I feel damn good for embracing me, no longer denying the woman that I've been for the past 20 years of my life. Thank you so much T-camp, the staff and faculty who created it, the new friends I've met, and the students who wrote me affirmation cards (I didn't get to write much of any cards due to me being sick and so forth but I send you ALLL LOVE!). It means a lot to me to exist, to live right now. 


Xoxo - Kaleef Lauren

Ramblings of the Internal Voice

"The difference between her and I is that she has visibility, I don't. The difference between he and I is that he has visibility, I don't. The difference between us and them is they have visibility, we don't. Are we all one in the same? Are we all truly the same? You told us that we were equal, if so, then why are they dying everyday? Why are they forced into selling their bodies, why don't they have access? Why aren't their lives valued? Why don't our parents love us for embracing our truth? Why does society set up all of these structures, as if we are mice in an experiment, in a maze of ceiling dreams, of sky-high dreams, only to laugh in our faces and bite us viciously with rejection? Do you feel the sting? Because I feel the sting." - Kaleef Lauren

Life is a Beautiful Struggle

Although I struggle, I continue to struggle, I hope that one day I'll be solid. I hope that one day when I wake up, I'll look out MY window and know MY value. I'll know that all of the sacrifices, blood, sweat, and tears mean something not only to myself, but to someone else.

I'll feel connected, I'll feel as if my voice matters. In a world that constantly tells me no, tells us NO, "You don't belong, you don't fit in, your not Black enough, your not classy enough, your not man enough, your not woman enough, your not rich enough, I hope that when I look out MY window, my perspective, my voice, my being, will have a positive affect on the lives of others like me and not.

For all of us who are different, rather it be our skin color, gender, sexuality, gender expression, physical ability, ethnicity, religion, thoughts, just know that you are special. And like you, I struggle to see that in myself, sometimes I forget my worth because so many around me constantly tell me that I'm not worthy. But I am, we are. So for all the outcasts out there, I see you baby.

The answers are there, the answers aren't there. Some people know, some people don't know. Does anyone really know?

So just take a look, look out your window, and know that life is a beautiful struggle.

Pulling You In - Consistency

As I move and shake my way through life...sometime I get lost or caught up in the day to day. I sometimes won't post as often or go on a rampage. For those of you who actually read what I write, the album reviews, celebrity updates, poetry, and thoughts, please know that I appreciate it! Launching this blog has been challenging for me because at times I wonder "who really cares about what I write or think? Who really believes in me?". Then I tell myself that I came into blogging simply to prove to myself that I can do and establish my presence in media. Everything I blog about...are actual conversations or parts of my life. My hobbies, talents,and so forth are in the development stage right now.

I am actually nervous to push the limit and truly say how I feel at times about topics in the world, media and so forth. I fear controversy, hatred, etc. The reason why is because this is an opening of me, an expression of minds I wanted to do for a long time!

So I know that consistency is key....but I'm just trying to figure myself out in this BIG WORLD! As I do that, I wonder what will pull people into my blog.


Just a rant of mines. I hope whoever reads enjoys what I create.


Thank You,
-KL